Speak Well, Listen Better

The two sides to every conversation are essentially speaking and listening.


When it’s your turn to talk…
1. Think straight. The first rule of plain talk, then, is to think before you say anything. Organize your thoughts.


2. Say what you mean. Say exactly what you mean. Always go straight to the point without blabbing.


3. Get to the point. Effective communicators don’t beat around the bush. If you want something, ask for it. If you want someone to do something, say exactly what you want done.


4. Be concise. Don’t waste words. Confusion grows in direct proportion to the number of words used. Speak plainly and briefly, using the shortest, most familiar words.


5. Be real. Our personality aids us in communicating clearly. Be natural and let the real you come through.


Then, when it’s your turn to listen…
1. Do it with thought and care. Listening, like speaking and writing, requires genuine interest and attention. If you don’t concentrate on listening, you won’t learn much, and you won’t remember much of what you do learn.


2. Use your eyes. If you listen only with your ears, you’re missing out on much of the message. Good listeners keep their eyes open while listening. Look for feelings.


3. Observe these nonverbal signals when listening to people:
Rubbing one eye. When you hear “I guess you’re right,” and the speaker is rubbing one eye, guess again. Rubbing one eye often is a signal that the speaker is having trouble inwardly accepting something.


Tapping feet. When a statement is accompanied by foot-tapping, it usually indicates a lack of confidence in what is being said.


Rubbing fingers. When you see the thumb and forefinger rubbing together, it often means that the speaker is holding something back.

Staring and blinking. When you see the other person staring at the ceiling and blinking rapidly, the topic at hand is under consideration.

Crooked smiles. Most genuine smiles are symmetrical. And most facial expressions are fleeting. If a smile is noticeably crooked, you’re probably looking at a fake one.

Eyes that avoid contact. Poor eye contact can be a sign of low self-esteem, but it can also indicate that the speaker is not being truthful.


4. Make things easy. People who are poor listeners will find few who are willing to come to them with useful information. Good listeners make it easy on those to whom they want to listen. They make it clear that they’re interested in what the other person has to say.