3 Lives of Leaders

We all live three lives: public, private, and secret. I first read this in an article by Stephen Covey. In our public lives, we are seen and heard by colleagues, associates, and others within our circle of influence. In our private lives, we interact more intimately with spouses, family members, and close friends. The secret life is where your heart is, where your real motives are the ultimate desires of your life.

Many leaders never visit the secret life. Their public and private lives are essentially scripted by who and what precedes and surrounds them or by the pressures of the environment. And so they never exercise that unique endowment of self-awareness the key to the secret life where you can stand apart from yourself and observe your own involvement.

Most of us live within the purview of our public and private without giving any consideration to our secret lives. Courage is required to explore our secret life because we must first withdraw from the social mirror, where we are fed positive and negative feedback continuously. As we get used to this social feedback, it becomes a comfort zone. And we may opt to avoid self-examination and idle away our time in a vacuum of reverie and rationalization. In that frame of mind, we have little sense of identity, safety, or security.

The most critical junctures in your life take place when you visit your secret life and ask yourself, "What do I think? What do I believe is right? What should my motives be?" These are times when I choose my motives. One such time occurs when you relate with God, your creator...the author and finisher of your faith. It is more noble to give yourself completely to truth, than to labor diligently for the protection and salvation of fallacies." Truth is truth! I have never seen a thing like half-truth or almost-truth.

In the face of daunting situations like "For or Against same-sex marriage"; "For or Against child-marriage" a true leader should know where to pinch his or her tent. Friends, you ain't a leader until you are bold enough to tell anyone "Wait a minute it's my life."

As a true leader who is God-fearing, you should be capable of choosing your own motives.

Stand-out! Never join the crowd.

Leading & Relating

Effective leaders grow their relational skills in the following manner:
1. Have a Leader's Head - Understand people
2. Have a Leader's Heart - Love people
3. Have a Leader's Hand - Help people

I have said many times that if you want to know the effectiveness of a leader, then ask those who are led. This is because there is no perfect assessment, no bright-line test for what makes a leader effective, and no model that can perfectly determine great leadership.

So how then can we relate more effectively as leaders? Here are seven simple steps for improving your ability to do so:
1. Express genuine care and concern.
2. Establish high standards.
3. Bring in the perspective of others.
4. Share relevant information.
5. Role model the behaviors you want to see.
6. Clarify your understanding.
7. Provide your reactions and candid opinions.

I should hint that while these ideas may be simple, that does not mean any of them are easy to do. The right behaviors are frequently filled with common sense, yet that does not mean they are common practice. Consistent effort and attention to relating will improve your skill.